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Old September 6th, 2006, 11:12 PM
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Lola's Drabbles-(YA) updated 22/9/06

here is my first fic (darbbles) thered

enjoy


title : love
author :lilouche-turner
rated : R
based on : poc
character : Will-liz
summry Will comes back from a long journey at sea... (liz pov)

please r&r


I ran into Will’s arms .

- Oh Will…

- Yes Elizabeth?

- I missed you!

- I know, me too» he said sweetly

He hugged me tight. I let myself melt in his warm embrace closing my eyes, holding him close. I was afraid that this moment would end too soon. Was it a dream?
I started to sob uncontrollably.

« What is wrong love? Asked Will

- Is this… a dream? I stammered are you… really here?

- Yes dear!

- Oh Will, don’t leave me! I cried hiding my face in his neck!

- Hush baby I’m here, I’ll never leave you!"

He whispered tenderly as he cradled me in his arms.

His warm body agents mine and his tender voice gently soothed me. But I was still trembling with fear. I was holding him tighter than ever!

« Kiss me Will, I need you!

- I’m here for you my love, always!"

He kissed me with a tender passion that made me believe in his words.
His tongue was soft as velvet, sweet as honey and warm as his passion! He gently tasted my mouth, making me shiver, moving his lips on mine. He embraced my tongue with his and sucked it gently. I savoured the taste of him! We did not need air, we breathed each other breath. The kiss lasted eternally. It was as if our souls kissed.

When we drifted apart, Will looked into my eyes with unconditional love and tenderness that made me week with emotion.

" You are my angel!

- And you are my heaven!

- I’d die for you!

- Oh Will…!"

The summer breeze bowled softly through his hair making him more beautiful then ever!
He smiled at me before pulling me close, and wrapping his arms around me he whispered

I love you my beloved Elizabeth Swann! »

Hugging him tight I whispered in return

- I love you too Will Turner!

We kissed passionately! Lost in each other, nothing mattered to us but love.
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Last edited by lilouche-turner; October 14th, 2006 at 12:24 AM.
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Old September 11th, 2006, 11:51 AM
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She was certainly pleased to see him home They are a very sweet pair!
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Old September 11th, 2006, 12:13 PM
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Smile

yes they are !
ty for r&r nuit !
do u like my style of writing?
tell the othres to r&r i would like more feedback it helps me to improve my writing.
ty
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Old September 11th, 2006, 03:03 PM
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well 'the others' take precious little notice of my instructions Lola! they are very stroppy like that!
I think I would say about your form, the way you write, is that it depends what you are doing. For a little drabble like this it doesn't matter too much to have things in that kind of waterfall effect, and certainly I am not one for being a stickler for grammar and punctuation (sssh at the back please). But if you were writing a piece with more than 2 people and including speech and actions, it would probably be easier to read if you separated the lines of dialogue and so on.

It is also a matter of personal taste- I LOVE that rambling stream of consciousness stuff of Kerouac for instance or Faulkner and his NO punctuation, because i like the idea of the form being part of the the content. Others can't stand it.

What I do like about it is that it it is just fresh and obviously from the heart. What ever you write I think it is important to keep those.
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Old September 11th, 2006, 05:18 PM
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what is a waterfall effect?
and please corect my grammer !
it would help.
ty sweety

love
lola
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Old September 11th, 2006, 06:23 PM
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well I was being kind of descriptive, sort of the words tumbling down, and I meant it in a good way

I don't really have the time to do grammar corrections, I am sorry Lola, but there is a thread to request a beta reader, who would help you with that if you want Ok? It in the main fan fic thread.here
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Old September 11th, 2006, 06:43 PM
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aww that is so poetik and sweet ty
ty for the beta reader thread
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Old September 22nd, 2006, 11:49 PM
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Arrow jack's kiss (R) complited, updated (06/10/06)

title : Jack's kiss
autor lilouche-turner
rated : R
based on : poc
summery : (one-shot) Jack's kiss from liz's pov ! please r&r ok

Author notes: Thanks Nuit for the intro ideas.
It was one month before our wedding. But instead of feeling happy about it, I was sort of gloomy. Instead of thinking of Will, my thoughts was turned towards a certain pirate. Of course I loved Will, that was not the question... But there was something about captain Sparrow that attracted me to him. Maybe it was that "je ne sais quoi" of charm, beauty, charisma, audacity and intelligence, which drove me to him inexorably.
A thousand times we were on the brink of kissing ... but we were always interrupted, or guilt swept over me. As I was trying to put some order amongst my confuse thoughts. All my resolutions to stay away from him were shattered, in a thousand pieces, as I saw him approach.

***

I flew into Jack’s arms and lost myself in his beautiful black eyes.
- I want you so much Jack... I whispered breathlessly.
- Me too love! Murmured jack in my ear in a low, horse, sexy voice.
- Kiss me I can’t bear it anymore!
His lips captured mine passionately.

I responded hungrily to Jack’s kiss, wanting this for so long. I hadn’t been able to comprehend the depth of my desire before now. I hadn’t realized that I’ve wanted to do this for so long. I wanted it so much!
The actual intensity of my want of him at this moment was insane!

He opened his mouth further and his hot tongue danced with mine.
The taste of rum flooded my senses! I slowly drank the drops I found on his tongue and savoured the water of his mouth.
I wrapped his tongue in mine and sucked it gently, making jack shiver

Suddenly, he broke the kiss, gasping for air.
- Remember me love! He whispered, wiping a tear off my face and smiling, before walking away in the setting sun.
___
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Last edited by lilouche-turner; October 25th, 2006 at 01:17 PM.
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Old September 23rd, 2006, 10:39 AM
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Well Lola, if you're writing short drabbles like these, you might like to post them all in one thread instead of starting a new one for each.

Obviously a lot of passion in this but you don't necessarily need to use the exclamation mark so much... makes it feel like they're shouting you know? Also maybe you could try and expand on the story a bit, not just the kiss but what happened leading up to it, building up a bit of anticipation... make it more of a story in a way, challenge yourself.

~Gem~
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Old September 23rd, 2006, 01:26 PM
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ok gem i'll work on it !
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Old September 23rd, 2006, 07:57 PM
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Lola I am going to merge the two threads together here Ok? And then you can add more as you write them.
They are very physical images- very expressive. Who wouldn't have a tear when he left?!!
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Last edited by nuit; September 23rd, 2006 at 08:02 PM.
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  #12  
Old September 23rd, 2006, 08:27 PM
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ok nuit dear no prob
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Last edited by lilouche-turner; September 23rd, 2006 at 08:32 PM.
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Old October 5th, 2006, 11:18 AM
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Lola you painted a great picture with your description of the kiss.

And I agree it would be great to hear more of what lead to this and then what happens from here.
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Old October 5th, 2006, 11:34 AM
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Arrow

don't worry the intro is coming girls ...
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Last edited by lilouche-turner; October 5th, 2006 at 11:41 AM.
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Old October 5th, 2006, 11:42 AM
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glad u like it girls
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Last edited by lilouche-turner; October 5th, 2006 at 11:52 AM.
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Old October 5th, 2006, 11:47 AM
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Talking ty kiwi

Quote:
Originally Posted by KiwiGirl
Lola you painted a great picture with your description of the kiss.

And I agree it would be great to hear more of what lead to this and then what happens from here.
glad u like it
don't worry the intro is coming ...
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Old October 6th, 2006, 03:04 PM
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Exclamation the INTRO

the intro is up on the story's post
tell me what do you think?

ps. Do we say the expression "je ne sais quoi " in english ? Is it correct?
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Last edited by lilouche-turner; October 6th, 2006 at 07:36 PM. Reason: intro 4 "Jack's kiss"
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Old October 7th, 2006, 11:39 AM
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Lola is good to see what lead to that kiss....Jack certainly has something about him. Is a very distracting fellow..
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Old October 7th, 2006, 11:58 AM
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Wink

yes he is

glad u like the intro kiwi !

you write very well too
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Old October 13th, 2006, 11:34 PM
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poc : confession (R)

title : Confession
autor lilouche-turner
rated : R
based on : poc
charecters : Will-ofc (rose)

summery : (one-shot) Rose a 20 year old maiden from a modest backgroud decides to pay a visit to the one she secretly loves...
rose's pov !
please r&r ok



As I laid in my bed each tear echoed with one single name:
WILL. I had to tell him ! my secret was too hard to bear.
I was ready to confront him no matter the consequences.

so I got up, walked out the door and made my way to Will's blacksmith's shop.

***

As I stepped in I saw Will was busy packing up his belongings.

- Hello Will... are you leaving I said in an unsure voice.
- Hello rose, so nice to see you! He exclaimed as he kissed my cheek. Then he said sadly yes I am leaving for personal reasons.
- But will I stammered as tears came to my eyes You can't leave me because...I took in a deep breath as the words spilt out of my mouth in a desperate cry, I LOVE YOU! , I added in a choked whisper, I always did since the day your eyes met mine, but you only had eyes for Elizabeth!

I burst into tears and faced the wall.

After a while I felt his hands upon my shoulders. I turned to him
- I don't know what to say. except that you are beautiful with tears in your eyes, but I hate to see you so sad and...

I felt myself tremble with the barely restrained desire that was coursing through me.

I could feel my pulse racing as his lips drew nearer,

- No… I whispered, it would be a sin.
he closed his fingers over my lips,
- Sshhh. Yes, but Elisabeth is not here she left with Jack. he said a drop of sadness in is voice.

I under my breath as he reached for my face, bringing it to his with trembling fingers. He took my mouth softly with a passion intact as our tongues embraced for the first time.

By all that love meant, he tasted sweeter than any forbidden fruit. If this was sin my arms were wide open for the consequences.
I let my senses be flooded by his loving tenderness and locked my arms around neck, as I savoured the taste of his lips.

when we drifted apart he looked into my eyes and said
- I must leave now, I will cherish this moment forever farewell dear. Till we meet again.

and as his lips lightly brushed my ear he whispered
- I love you too my rose.

he smiled at me before walking through the door.

and that was the last time I saw my beloved will turner...

THE END

___
what do you think?
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Last edited by lilouche-turner; October 14th, 2006 at 08:20 PM.
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Old May 22nd, 2007, 08:48 PM
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Arrow Will's Kiss (YA) COMPLETE (OS)

title : Will's Kiss
autor lilouche-turner
rated : ya
based on : poc
charecters : will-liz
warning: fluffy but detailed one-shot (os)

pls r&r


Will's kiss


Will stroked my face while gently pushing aside a strand of hair which had escaped from my hairstyle and rested on my cheek. He completed his gesture with a kiss the secret of which only he had. In these unique moments I had the impression of dying a million times only to live again.

His soft ardour made me shiver and sigh against its mouth. As in answer to my prayer, he sensually caressed my tongue with his, flooding me with his taste of honey. I locked my arms around his neck as thousands of passion coloured fireworks burst in my head. I slid my hand in the velvety hair of my love, and inhaled his warm and sweet breath. I loved my dear William Turner more than ever!

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Last edited by nuit; May 22nd, 2007 at 09:09 PM.
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Old May 22nd, 2007, 09:12 PM
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hey lola- I like the passion coloured fireworks! Very visual.
(I hope you don't mind that I made a couple of spell corrections-since you asked last time. What I find useful is to write in Word or something, there is usually then the option to use a spell checker, or they come up automatically anyhow )
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Old May 22nd, 2007, 09:23 PM
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kissing will turner !
 
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no probleme dear nuit !
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Old May 23rd, 2007, 01:51 AM
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Very timely with the new film coming out tomorrow Lola! I'm glad to see Elizabeth's (and your) passion for Will hasn't waned...

~Gem~
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Old May 23rd, 2007, 10:25 AM
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my love for will will never fade gem !
glad you enjoyed it
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